I had to repent for how little I actually wanted to do Word By Heart. I came into Word By Heart expecting it to be the tool I would add to my toolbelt of helpful resources for the greater ministry of family restoration and missionary birthwork. Little did I know that it would completely unravel my own beliefs about who God is, who I am to Him and how I am to respond. This time has been slow in the sort of way that might drive someone else like me crazy. I often laid in the grass and stared up to the heavens, wondering how I will ever grasp this good and loving God. All perfect, all powerful, all knowing.
For those who don’t know, Word by Heart is a Bible school that reviews key stories all throughout the Bible pulling from Genesis to Revelation but primarily referencing back to Jesus’ ministry as recorded in the book of John. It was quite literally the last school I ever thought I would do because I never understood the purpose in having scripture memorized nor communicating it orally. In full transparency I thought it was just a school for theatre kids and people who had nothing else to do, and boy did God humble me.
I’ll spare you from the full story just know that God basically instructed me to take this school and I reluctantly obeyed. I opened my hands and I trusted that God was going to do a work in me that would bear fruit somewhere eventually. But I was also coming back from my outreach high of seeing birth in the nations, teaching young girls about identity and their bodies, and growing in experience and love for the Lord!!! Why would I stop now???? There’s so much to be done!!!! When I’m in Kona I’ll be attending more births and growing in this because this is my purpose right!?!?!?!?!?
HAH! Nope.
My purpose is simple. Our purpose is simple. To know Him and love Him intimately, to be fully consumed by His presence, for in the fullness of His presence we find ourselves responding with unexplainable love and sacrifice. We were made to love and be loved by our Father.
I know, we say this all the time, we all think we know it, we all get it but if we get really low and really honest, I wonder where the veils of our hearts remain untorn and opaque that keep us from all that He has for us. The veil of self.
As noble and admirable as helping vulnerable women deliver their babies in the nations is, it’s not my first priority. Because if He asked me to stop, if He redirected my path, if He took away all that I’ve ever known or cared about, would my trust in Him keep me? Would I be so rattled by my circumstances and so stripped of everything that made up who I thought I was that I would blame Him? I pray not. I pray that my undoing would only draw me closer to Him.
There is nothing more true than Him. His Love is the truest thing I’ve ever known and because it is so true I can’t help but to tell the world. All I desire to do is carry this love with me to every dark place and proclaim that He is Faithful and True.
How did I come to this conclusion you might ask. The Bible is so often misunderstood, by Christians and nonchristians alike. This glorious and divinely written Word is like an ocean that so many of us think we understand. But there are depths yet to be discovered, stories still hidden within the paragraphs, emotions seeping through the dialogue. The question is are we willing to dive deep, past the surface, away from the shallow waters, and into the caves of God’s mysterious and wonderful heart? Are we willing to be uncomfortable, weak, and face what lies hidden in the unknown?
Deep water scuba diving was always the one thing I said I would never do. Skydiving, no problem, you can see everything! What is there to fear? But trapped below meters of water, with an oxygen tank, with things hiding and no way out. AND THE SLOWNESS! What if I needed to run? What if I wanted out? What if what I saw was too unbearable and I needed to go back to safety? I thought of God the same. I loved the surface of His waters, I loved watching his waves from the shore, but I would not dare to go deep and explore for myself. That is until he asked me too.
Going deep with God is difficult to describe. It’s a lot less of a practice as much as it is a position of the heart.
I could’ve finished the Word By Heart School knowing the method and with all 90 minutes memorized without ever truly going deep, and there were some weeks when that really felt like the easier thing to do. But it would’ve defeated the whole purpose. Instead it looked like opening up His Word, laying down my own understanding and desires, and allowing myself to be deeply transformed by His Spirit speaking through the text. At times it might make you weep, others filled with unexplainable joy, and most often, gently lifted to a state of incomparable peace.
It’s no wonder the benefits of reading the Bible are so evident. It has been proven by scientific research the decrease of addictive behaviors, feelings of hopelessness, mental issues and disorders. Some studies have even proved physical health benefits in our bodies and healing just through scripture.
But why Word By Heart? What are you going to do with these stories? Where will you even tell them? These were my thoughts exactly, and honestly something I’m still navigating. When I started this school, I thought it would be something fun to bring out only in deep and meaningful conversation with women I met in need of hope. While this is still true, I think there is more to it. How often do we take the time to share stories anymore? Has our desire for connection and storytelling been robbed by modern media and entertainment? Are we trading meaningful & transformational dialogue for a night alone with Netflix?
I guess the question I’m asking myself is, am I willing to do something unconventional in a culture that has passed off storytelling to billion dollar production companies and fight for the attention of human hearts? Pray for me that I am.
Because I believe, when we slow down, take the time to hear the heart of another person, or perhaps in this case, the heart of God, we would deeply benefit. We would benefit beyond any superficial or immediately gratifying experience, but that our eternal souls would find meaning in this fleeting mist of reality we find ourselves in. Perhaps our souls would connect to the everlasting love of their creator. If your soul desires such things, I invite you to join me and receive the revelation that comes with His word. And if you are so bold, message me for a story, I’d love to tell you one ;)
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